“Being vulnerable isn't being weak”.
Rammy, a photographer I greatly admire, is not afraid to openly express his opinions and emotions for the entire world to read. These posts have made me think about myself and how I feel vulnerable in today’s world. I am a highly vulnerable person in all aspects of life, including my photography. Despite this vulnerability, I don’t hide my feelings. Why should I? People should understand the motivations behind my photographs. Photography holds immense significance in my life. While anxiety makes me consider abandoning it and pursuing other endeavours, such as staying in bed, I have never given up on my passion. Trust me, I have diligently tried to understand the reasons behind my continued dedication, but I remain undecided. Brené Brown says that you can’t be creative without being vulnerable, since I heard her say this I’ve been thinking lots about why I take photos and I’m now sure it’s my way of dealing with my vulnerability.
I would like to quote Rammy once again:
"Being vulnerable is the gateway to an emotional connection between oneself, one’s work, and others on a human level. Speaking through our work."
So why am I writing about being vulnerable? Is it because I can’t think of anything to write, maybe? Or is it because in this my year of living mindfully, I have to open up more and face my demons head-on and call them out? I think it has to be the latter. If I am to start getting healthy, I need to write more about me and my photography.
Vulnerability can be a curse. Those who don’t understand the meaning of being vulnerable will never fully comprehend its crippling nature. Even if someone’s words are not intended to be hurtful, they can have a profound impact on me, leading me into dark and emotionally draining states that can take years to overcome. Do not misunderstand; I do not wish for people to avoid me. However, it seems that this is now the norm.
I genuinely desire other photographers to provide candid feedback on my photography. Constructive criticism, such as suggesting alternative approaches that could enhance my work, I know this is instrumental in my photographic growth. However, simultaneously, my mind becomes increasingly negative, with voices whispering self-doubt and urging me to abandon photography. Regrettably, I find myself heeding these voices, leading to self-agreement. My vulnerability is the primary reason behind my decision to leave social media. I struggled to cope with the narratives of other photographers, who share their exciting travels and captivating photographs. These experiences instilled a profound sense of insecurity and depression within me. While I acknowledge the absurdity of these thoughts, they are a persistent pattern in my mind, preventing me from adopting a positive outlook.
The camera is a simple tool in itself, serving as my means of navigating the real world. Growing up, I lacked freedom and encouragement from my parents, who never supported my passion for photography. Consequently, I became more reclusive, finding solace in movies. It was during my time at St. Benedict’s that I distinctly recall the moment I entered the darkroom for the first time and discovered the captivating world of photography. Even now, as I compose this, I can still detect the lingering scent of that second-floor darkroom.
Today when I have the camera in my hand, I feel like John Carpenter or John Waters. I’ve become a director, not a director of film but a director of the world, and this helps me somewhat control my anxiety and depression. Even though I can sometimes take control of my depression and anxiety, I still can’t get control of being vulnerable. This then leads to my anxiety growing, and depression soon follows, leaving me in a very dark place.
Over this coming year 2025, I need to learn how to control being vulnerable, which I hope will help me deal with my own mental health issues. I don’t think I’ll ever be normal, but just being able to cope in the world without always having my camera in my hand, being able to sit in a restaurant without having a panic attack because it’s busy and loud would be wonderful, not just for me but also for my long-suffering wife.
Thank you Rammy for all the inspiration, Checkout Rammy’s work At his website
I also can’t recommend Rammy’s book Platform 10 enough, the photos are truly inspiring Order Here
I would like to share a few of my favourite photos by Rammy:
