Yes, as the title of this blog suggests, I detest crowds of people, the noise, the pushing, and so on. People seem to transform into monsters at any event, which is why I generally avoid all crowds. However, there are times when it’s enjoyable to attend an event for photography.
I’ve been discussing my struggles with anxiety quite a bit recently, and I don’t want to keep repeating myself. Nevertheless, I keep returning to the topic in my writings because it helps me understand my own anxiety.
Last weekend was Chinese New Year, and Liverpool boasts the oldest Chinatown in Europe. I wanted to go, but I knew the crowds would be overwhelming. I spent the night before debating whether to go or not. My friend Luke had messaged to say he was going, and it had been ages since we last saw each other, so I decided to go into the city and meet up with him, still unsure if I would venture into Chinatown.
I have a mental conflict within myself. I keep having intense conversations with myself. Most of the time, these conversations escalate into full-blown arguments. This past Sunday was no exception. One part of me was shouting at the other, “Don’t go! It’ll be too noisy.” And the other side was arguing, “But the photos I could capture.” Ultimately, the part that controls my photography won out, and I went into Chinatown with the intention of avoiding the crowds.
Chinatown was packed with people, and the festivities were loud. So, I put on my AirPods and headed towards the crowds. It’s incredible to think that without my camera and AirPods, I would’ve never have approached the place. Yet, with my comfort blanket in hand, I simply focused on capturing the moments that would unfold before my lens.
I’d spent 20 minutes in Chinatown when I captured a young lady standing behind the glass of a bus stop engrossed in the celebrations (Above). I knew I had captured something special, so I left the area and headed to my sanctuary, Rope and Twines on Bold Street, for a soothing oat milk latte and some peace and quiet. I sat outside, savouring my beverage and observing the world around me. These moments of tranquility and serenity truly bring me joy.
Luke had messaged, informing me that he was running late. Once he arrived, we returned to the chaos of Chinatown. Being with someone I trust and feel safe with is incredibly comforting, and Luke is an exceptional person to be around. He has a genuine passion for photography, and his presence energises me. All my worries seemed to fade away, if only for a little while, as I focused solely on my photography. I had an absolute blast shooting with Luke. I’m not entirely sure how long we spent together, and that’s a blessing in disguise. It simply demonstrates that I was fully concentrated on what truly mattered to me: my photography.
However, as the day continued, I started realising that my back and leg were causing me excruciating pain. I have arthritis in various parts of my body, and my physical limitations are becoming increasingly evident. Standing and moving were becoming increasingly challenging, so I knew it was time to call it a day.
Photography is my life, and the thought of it potentially coming to an end because of my health truly terrifies me. It’s a significant aspect that sustains me, providing a reason to wake up in the morning, a reason to live. I have no idea what would happen to me if I lost photography out of my life.
Time for some photos:
